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On Guard
August 18th, 2007It’s funny, the stuff you never forget. Or the guys. Had a dream last night about someone I haven’t seen in 25 years. I didn’t even know him well. I was a waiter at a Florida Denny’s and he was the rent-a-cop for the graveyard shifts. Very tall. Latino. Sweet, gentle, handsome face and beefy body. We’d joke around, I’d feed him, he’d do his ineffectual job and I’d do mine.
But things don’t go away sometimes because my gut tells me - as I’m sure it did back then, too - that he could’ve been had. Maybe it was that sweetness under all the muscle. Or how good manners in a stud make me think they’ll do just about anything. Or maybe it was just because I sensed that he really liked me.
Aw, hell with it. I mean, 25 years later and I’m still beating off to fantasies of what might’ve been with this guy? Yep, I am.
- Jack X, who didn’t sleep much
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August 18th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Sometimes, just to drive myself crazy, I sit and remember guys I’ve known going all the way back to high school, who I think I could have had. Classmates, teachers and professors, former co-workers, friends, the teenage sons of friends, attentive store clerks, even a relative or two, who all gave off a vibe that was friendly, approachable, open and mildly flirtatious without crossing the line. In truth most probably were straight but I’m sure some were gay and neither one of us was ready to go there. But it makes me sick thinking what might have been.